she'd better learn to smile!

This last week I went to the VA clinic for my first appointment.  I'd never used my VA benefits before because I didn't want to take up space & time for some other veteran more needy than myself.  I was always able to get insurance where I worked.  
4 weeks ago I changed jobs and currently had no insurance and because I took a job with less pay (and much less stress!) I knew it was time for me to look into using my VA benefits. 
So I went out to the clinic, submitted my credentials, was verified and they set up my appointments. 
I of course was a little apprehensive, still am.  But I have to say they were all very nice.  From the front desk receptionist, to the phlebotomist, to the nurse aide & doctor, all very nice.  Of course that says nothing about the quality of care if I were really sick.  This was just a meet and greet appointment.
There were 2 glaring differences between civilian insurance and the VA clinic.  1) I don't get to choose my own doctor. I miss my wonderful doctor already!  2) This female doctor, obviously of a different nationality, was not well kept, (her clothes were not professional, they were wrinkled and dirty on the cuffs of her pants.  She also seemed scared of her own shadow.  Her initial exam consisted of asking me some of the same questions the nurse had asked and asking me to breathe 4 times while she listened to my back with her stethoscope.  No saying aaahhh, no looking in my ears, or checking my neck.  I was determined to get at least one smile from her, and I did, I actually got 2 smiles, weak, but smiles nonetheless.   I didn't care about her being from India (i think?), I'm not wired that way.  But if she's going to be my doctor, she'd better learn to smile!  I want a doctor who is confident and happy, at least when she's at work.  But as long as I use the VA, I get what I get.  
I'm not due to go in for another 6 months, for lab work & follow up, stupid cholesterol & glucose levels! 

We'll see how this goes.  I'll keep you posted. 

I've been fighting His plans long enough.

Mom has gone home to Nebraska.  Miss her already! 

But, as they say "meanwhile, back at the ranch"

So much has been happening the last few months.  Ebola, Ferguson, the illegal actions of our 'emperor' regarding illegal immigrants, Israel, our economy woes, etc etc etc.   I feel like so many others have covered those topics and then some.

But I miss my writing!!!  Since I don't want to tackle the topics so many others already have covered, what to write about?   I've been thinking about this for a few days now. 

There's already so much negativity in our world.  And while I stand firmly on the side of what's right, pro-choice, the amendments & our constitution.  I need more than that.  I need to focus on what I CAN do with my life, my words, my choices. 

So that's what I want to write about.  I want my words, my choices, my life to make a positive difference in the world around me.  I want to make people laugh and smile and be stronger than they think they are.  I was fortunate to have a few people in my life that helped me that way.  There have been choices I made that I'm not proud of, things that happened to me, things that other people did to me that caused negative things to happen.  I want to use those experiences to help others survive their similar experiences.  I think that's why I wanted to write stories, including the one I've been working on for 2 years, and why I've been having a hard time finishing it.  I wasn't sure how much of my self, my story, I wanted to share.  But now I know, if I'm going to have to share it all.  Maybe not all of it in this one story.  But it's definitely time to move into action. 

You might be wondering why, what has changed?  Well, partly it was the visit with Mom, 4 weeks wasn't long enough.  Time is short and very valuable.  At the same time I finally found the job I'd been wanting.  Less pay, but also less stress.  This job was exactly what I'd been praying for, except for the $$.  I'm trusting that since Elohim secured this job for me, He'll also be taking care of my $$!  It was not difficult at all to leave my supervisor position at the company I worked at for 9 years.    My stress level has already improved so much and I'm feeling healthier, sleeping better, working on the eating better part... (LOL).... 

Anyway, my point is, my turning point, or pivot point as some would call it, happened 4 weeks ago today when I was offered the new job.  I had to make an important decision in just a couple days time.  But I had no problem making that decision.  After 2 interviews, meeting the office staff and given a brief overview of what I'd be doing, I made the choice in less than 8 hours.   Because it was almost exactly what I'd been praying for I knew my answer was yes.  And I'm glad that was my answer.   I just finished my 2nd week at my new job and I love it!!!!  

That being said, it's time for me to get with the program. 

According to the scriptures,  **http://bible.com/316/jer.29.11-13.isr98 ‘For I know the plans I am planning for you,’ declares יהוה, ‘plans of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and an expectancy. ‘Then you shall call on Me, and shall come and pray to Me, and I shall listen to you. ‘And you shall seek Me, and shall find Me , when you search for Me with all your heart .
Bible.com/app  

What does this mean to me?  It means I've been fighting His plans long enough.  My turning point has shown me I have not been living my life, I've been surviving, and sometimes just barely surviving.  Why?  Because I was fighting His plans for me.  I don't believe that Elohim caused the negative things to happen in my life, but I do believe that He has "plans of peace, a future and an expectancy (hope)" for me, for my life.   I will not let my past be wasted, but will use it, as much as I'm able, to help others, and in the mean time, live the life Elohim has planned for me.   

That doesn't mean I'm ignoring the world around me, just that I'm going to try to change my little corner of the world with POSITIVITY.   Of course, I might be speaking out on some issues from time to time, but POSITIVITY will be my focus as much as possible.   It's possible not everyone will like what I have to say, but that's ok, they have as much right to their opinion as I have a right to my freedom of speech and my opinions. 


For now, all I have left to say is good night, be blessed, sweet dreams and

SHABBAT SHALOM!

I can say no.

As a result of my recent pivot point, I've decided to start focusing more on the positive, on what I CAN do.  And I've decided on the first thing I can do.  

I can say no.

I can say no to junk food.

I can say no to spending my "free time" on activities I don't enjoy or are not productive in a positive way. 

I can say no to thinking negative thoughts.  

I can say no to spending time with negative people.

I can say no to ignoring things that bother me, and fix them!

I realize "saying no" sounds a bit on the negative side, but when you give yourself permission to say no, it can be very liberating and very positive!

I'm giving myself permission, I can say no.

 

PIVOT POINTS AND POSITIVITY

First, let me apologize. I've been out of touch, I haven't read articles or written anything for a couple of weeks, but with good reason. My mother is visiting from Nebraska, we just celebrated her 80th birthday yesterday. When she isn't staying with me, I've been at work. When I'm home, she's here (most of the time) and I want to spend my time visiting with her because I don't know when she'll get to Texas again, and I don't know when I'll get to Nebraska again. Spending time with Mom is just to important right now. But for tonight and the next couple of nights, she's at my son's house.
Why am I apologizing for wanting to spend time with Mom? Because writing is important to me, It helps me to unwind, to vocalize my opinions, to share what's on my heart, and hopefully more often share what Elohim has put on my heart. I enjoy reading the articles the rest of you write and apologize I'm behind on my reading! We learn when we share, when we share we learn. As I recently shared with a friend "the more I learn, the more I want to learn more" or something like that. Anyway, you get my drift I hope.
After listening to Glenn Beck Monday night, and then reading another article about a "pivot point", my heart knew it was time for me to write, at least a few words. You see, while my pivot point did not come about by physical trauma, I have also recently faced my own pivot point. Here's my "story", short version:
I have recently gone through a "pivot point" and because of it I am starting a new job this coming Monday, This job pays a little less than I really would like, definitely less than where I work now, for at least 2 more days. Why. My stress level was so high I was gaining weight, couldn't sleep, etc, etc, all because of the nonsense of the current job, constant schedule changes, micromanaging from a corporation bag of ceo's that have never done the job I'm doing, along with the other supervisors, so their ideas just don't work like they think they should. If I have to, I'll take a small part time job at a $$ store or something like that. But I just couldn't stay where I was. I prayed and when I happened upon this job by "accident" (thank you Holy Spirit), I prayed some more for Elohim to either open the door or shut the door. There were so many things that fell into place so easily. I knew it was time. I am trusting Elohim to supply my finances, one way or another. I'm almost 60 (in just about 4 weeks) and I just can't deal with such high stress any more. Granted, skinny finances might be another kind of stress, but I'm not going to worry, I'm going to plan and budget, get rid of stuff I don't need, and trust Elohim to supply my needs.
I had already made this decision, several months ago, but only accepted a job 2 weeks ago. Before Glenn Beck made his announcement, told his story, or before Jonathon told his. Knowing that others were making changes only strengthened my resolve to follow through on my decision. (Yes, I was having some doubts and some people at work were telling me I'd be back, or I'd be bored, or bla bla bla). I was even having heart palpitations last week as some tried to change my mind about this change.
One of the things I've noticed happening in my spirit over the last few weeks (during the testing and interviews for the new job and the last 2 weeks after I gave my notice at the current job), I have been changing how I think, getting rid of negativity. It's difficult some days, as I see so much YUCK happening in our country and around the world, but I am determined to focus on the positive! I'm not sticking my head in the sand. I'm fully aware of all the negative, and I will probably still be quite vocal about it some days. But on a minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day basis, I need to focus on positivity! What I CAN do, not what I can't do. In fact I'm starting a list of what i CAN do. Not that I have to do the things on the list, but things I CAN do, thinks I am ABLE to do. I hope to share some of those items on my list, but not tonight & not everything, but some.
For now I'm going to call it a night.
Blessings & Shalom!

whatever little pieces of peace, joy, contentment we find, we should savour every moment!

  There seems to be so much going on in the world today, Ebola, wars, rumors of wars, subtle and not so subtle threats from other nations, politics, economics, I don't think I can keep up with it all.   

   But today, I'm feeling a wee bit selfish.  My focus is not on the craziness of the world or our nation or "the church", but on myself and my family.  I had something personal (sorry can't say what just yet, Tuesday or Wednesday I can tell) and wonderful happen on Friday.  Also my mother is staying with me until at least Monday evening.  We've had a fun few days.  I worried about my house not being clean enough.  She doesn't seem to care.  I worried about not be "entertaining" enough.  She doesn't seem to care.  We had some fun on Friday, just tool'n around town while we waited for my news.  When we finally got the small town I live in, we went to my son's house first, visited there a short time, then I took her home to not my not so clean house.  We've had a nice calm visit.  (Which IS an accomplishment in and of itself.)  

  So pardon me if I feel a little selfish and enjoying my "moment in the sun", if you will, and if you won't, oh well.  I'm going to enjoy it anyway!  (the "if you won't is for certain people who are always ready to point fingers of guilt, shame, etc, no matter what.   I'm hoping no one reading this is one of those.  But if they are, I hope you find better days.  

  Which brings me to my point.  Why SHOULD we feel guilty when we are fortunate enough to have our Father Creator bless us?  I'm saying we shouldn't feel guilty.   I've worked hard and been very blessed, concerning my good news that I can't tell you about yet.  And I've bit my tongue many times to keep the peace with several different people for the last week (she arrived last weekend), you know how families are.......

  No, I think with all the turmoil around us, in the world, in our nation(s), in our lives, whatever little pieces of peace, joy, contentment we find, we should savour every moment!  And so I shall.  I got online just long enough to write this, because it was stirring in my spirit.  I owe some very fine writers/bloggers some heavy duty reading after my mother leaves, and I apologize for not being on top of my reading as much as usual, but Mom will be 80 in 10 days, and when she goes back to Nebraska in 21 days, I don't know for sure when I'll see her again.  So, thank you for your patience and understanding.  I will get back to my writing and reading (no 'rithmatic', hahaha), after she goes to stay with my son.   

Blessings and smiles to all!


Shalom!

I really hope.

I can't believe the level of manipulation some people will sink to in order to get their way.   I've been dealing with this person's manipulations most of my life.  It's always the same; if I dare to stand up to this person then everyone looks at me as though I am just plain selfish and evil.  Yet it's this person who manipulates, even faking issues and lies, just to get their way.  And I'm supposed to just excuse the behaviour, "that's just the way they are."  Well, they are that way because everyone keeps making excuses for them!

I'm really upset, I mean REALLY upset because this time it might cause not just my plans to be changed, again, but this time it might cause me to not be able to spend time with someone I love very much.  Someone who if I don't get to spend time with them now, I might never get the chance again.

But the manipulator/liar has done it again.  I'm hoping and praying, yes, praying, that I am wrong and I will get to spend time with the person I really want to spend time with. 

But isn't that what most people do today, they lie, they manipulate, they fake, all to get what they want, whether it be a promotion, a boyfriend/girlfriend, a job, a new dress, a new........  whatever, you get the picture.  

I really hope we don't ALL do that.  I really want to believe that there is still a nice big bunch of us that do right, that work hard, try our best to be honest, and to deal truthfully with whatever life throws at us.  I'm not saying I'm perfect, then I would be a liar!  But whatever I get in my life, where ever I go, I want to do so honestly, either by honest, hard work, or by my Father's favor and grace!  Not because I manipulated, lied, faked my way there.  But no, I'm not perfect.  It doesn't stop me from hoping there are more of the honest, hard working kind of people, than the other kind....

I really hope my visit, my plans don't get ruined.

I really hope we can all learn to get along and love each other without manipulation and lies.

I really hope.......

I'll let you know.

YOU CAN'T YELL ALL THE TIME AND EXPECT PEOPLE TO KEEP LISTENING!

I know I've been a bit more political over the last couple of weeks.  But I won't apologize.  Things are heating up in our world.  Hiding our heads in the sand won't help anything, so I do spout off from time to time.  But I'm beginning to think that I'm "preaching to the choir".  So tonight, I'm just going to say hello.

Hello.  I think we need to say "hello" more, every day.  Perhaps if we would just say "hello", "hi", "hope you're having a good day", maybe even just smile more often, maybe we could break down some walls that would help others to hear what we have to say.  YOU CAN'T YELL ALL THE TIME AND EXPECT PEOPLE TO KEEP LISTENING!    

During the last few days of our 15 years of marriage, my ex yelled at me all the time, (since he wasn't allowed to raise his fist at me again).  On the last or next to last day we actually lived under the same roof, he yelled at me, I zoned, then he yelled at me "ARE YOU LISTENING, WHY AREN'T YOU LISTENING?", when he calmed down enough that I was able to "hear" him, he asked why I didn't answer him, I looked at him and said, "when you yell at me, I can't hear you"

I think a lot of the world is the same way.  We have been yelled at about "global warming", "women's rights", "save the whales", "save the trees", "h1n1", "butter will kill you", bla bla bla bla!  And now, no one wants to listen to anything, we all just want to stick our heads in the sand and pretend the world will continue on as it always has been and we don't have to do anything and everything will be fine it we all just go to work, get paid, spend our money and send our children to school to learn how to do the same thing. 

I don't think the world is going to continue on as it always has, in fact, I know it won't, I read the Scriptures, I know this world is going to come to a not so pretty end.  Sad, but true.  Well sad for some.  For the rest of us, what comes after the not so pretty end, will be absolutely eternally beautiful.   I don't know all the details, but I believe it's true.  I'm not telling you that your only choice is to believe the same way I do, that's up to you.  But I know that my faith, my Saviour, my Father Creator, will carry me through to the other side of whatever we have to go through.  It's not going to be pretty, and it might even get a little rough, but that's ok, I know where my hope, my faith will take me. 

I might not have said everything exactly right, exactly like I wanted to say it, but I've got to get busy cleaning house so I can get to bed at a decent hour tonight.  

Blessings & Peace to all of you!

SHALOM!

THIS is what life should be about.

So, I took the weekend off, well sort of.  I had to work yesterday, 1230-9pm,  oh goodee.  It's not a bad job, but it's not a great job either.  

Anyway, through default I have taken a break from writing, from politics, from this gross world we are living in.  

Why?   FAMILY!!!  My mom came to visit!  she'll be here for almost a month and we had a family get together today.   Mom, my sister & me, our families, kids, grandkids, great grandkids, in-laws etc.  good food, good visit.  

THIS is what life should be about.   We need a government that does what it's supposed to do, no more, no less, so we can get on with our lives, so we can live freely.  make our own choices, settle our own issues.


That's it, that's all I have for tonight.  

SHALOM!

refreshment and restoration

When I got up this morning, I had a couple of different subjects I wanted to write about tonight.  But you know what happed?  I went to work, got busy, got tired and forgot! 

My brain is so tired.

So please pardon me if I excuse myself from the world this evening.    Maybe we all need a break now and then?

Father,  refresh and restore my spirit as I sleep tonight.    Strengthen me for the days to come, whatever they might be.

And bless my readers with refreshment and restoration also.    

Something tells me that in the days, weeks and months to come (years if we make it that far?) we will need Your Strength, Your Peace, Your Wisdom, Your Strength.

Thank you Father!!!

Goodnight & Sweet dreams,

Shabbat Shalom!

Is that too much to ask?

When I joined the military in the early 70's (Viet Nam Era Vet), my MOS was 71Quebec, Information Specialist, journalism.  One of the things I remember from the first days of training was about a term called "yellow journalism", which as I remember was referring to journalists who don't just report the facts of the news, but also try to sway the thoughts and opinions of the reader towards their own personal preferences.  

Isn't that what almost ALL of today's so called journalists are doing?  NBC, CBS, ABC, CNN.....  and I hate to say it, sometimes Fox News too.   Nobody just reports the news any more.  Please, can I get "JUST THE FACTS MA'AM".  All I need from the news media is the "pyramid".  Who, What, When, Where & How.  It's not up to them to tell me why unless it's a FACT and not just their opinion!  

I don't want anyone to tell me what to think, what to feel, what to say.  I don't want to be "politically correct".  I want to be honest, say what I mean, mean what I say, respectfully & tactfully of course, but in the spirit of "Freedom of Speech".   

Is that too much to ask?

POSITIVITY

I'm positively positive that we positively need MORE POSITIVITY in this world today! At least I know I do!

I hope everyone has a positively peaceful evening!

:-)

He will never change, I can always abide in His Peace and Grace.

I was driving home from work today, trying to forget all the craziness that happened at work today, all the craziness going on in the world.  I spoke with my dad for a little bit (thank you for blue tooth technology).  Since I live about 45 minutes from work, and at least 30 minutes on a nice quiet little highway, I had a nice drive home.  

So, as I was driving, trying NOT to think about all the craziness, one thing came to my mind.   No matter what happens, The hills, the sky, it all will remain.  Oh, some things might change, if the worst happened the plant & animal life could be harmed, people could be harmed, they could all disappear,  the roads would give way to age and weather.  

But the hills, the rocks, the sky, would all remain.   I know, I know, this is kind of dark thinking.   But you see, I believe I know the end of the story.  Regardless of time and politics and science and "religion", I know Who holds the Victory in His Hands!  

But back to the drive home.  Even as I contemplated all the possibilities, dark as they might be, I suddenly realized, that wasn't the point.  The whole point of my observation was that while some things change, some things just refuse to change.  The peace that washed over me was amazing!  No matter what changes in this world, and you'd have to be living in a cave in the middle of no where to not know we are daily inundated with changes and threats of changes,  some things don't change.  I am still me, and my Father, my Creator is still in CHARGE!  And He still has the FINAL VICTORY in the palm of His Hand.    

I don't know if I'm explaining this in the way I experienced it.  But my real point is no matter what the world or what the enemy throws at us.  He will never change, I can always abide in His Peace and Grace.

And with that thought in mind, I'm calling it a night.

Blessings and Shalom!!!

It went wrong when.....

I was giving a friend a ride home from work today and we got to discussing something we've both noticed.  A lack of caring from the general population.  Not just the younger generation, but all ages.  They don't seem to care about how their actions (or lack thereof) affect themselves or anyone else.  They come to work to make money to pay their bills.  I get that, I go to work to make money to pay bills too.  But I care about doing a good job.  I care about how my actions affect others, my bosses, my agents, my family, the customers, myself, even my little pal, Kaci, my weener dog.  (Dachshund if you must, but he goes by weener dog, LOL)  Why do I care?  Why does my friend care?  Because we were taught to do our best growing up.  Because we don't want to be responsible for our friends, coworkers, family, bosses (& weener dogs) left holding the bag, so to speak.  

I can't NOT do my best.  I can't NOT mind my manners.

That doesn't mean I'm perfect and I'll never make a mistake, but if I make a mistake I want to learn from it and not make THAT mistake again. 

My friend and I also have noticed a serious lack of MANNERS amongst the general population, again, every age.  I talked about this briefly the other day (here's a clue).  But people don't even say please, thank you, you're welcome (they might give you a "no problem" if you're lucky), excuse me, I'm so sorry, etc.. 

Why?  Where did it all go wrong?

They it started with the baby boomers in the 60's, some say punk rockers, some say the hard rockers, the goth's, the bikers, the gangsters, etc etc etc....

I think it went wrong when the rest of us didn't stand up and say "mind your manners!"  it went wrong when parents became worried what would happen if they spank their child as a form of discipline ( thanks so very much for NOTHING Dr Spock!)  it went wrong when people stopped caring about each other, including and especially their neighbors. It went wrong when we stopped paying attention to the world around us and just focused on going to work, to make the money, to pay the bills.

Just say'n.

My future is straight ahead and I'm not slowing down for anyone every again

Here I am again, up WAY past my bed time!  But hey, it's morning somewhere right?   

I think that's part of my problem though.  I never seem to be living in the moment, I'm either busy regretting something from the past, something I did that I shouldn't have, or something I wish I'd done but I didn't.  Or something I hope I can do in the future or worried that I can't do.  But never really living in the moment.  Except when I'm with my family, especially my grandchildren.  

But I can't exist only when I'm with my family, my grandchildren.  I have to learn to live in the moment, every moment.  It's not something new I'm just discovering.  It's something I've been working at for awhile.  

I was looking at my journal this morning.  I used to fill up a journal every few months.  I've been writing in this journal for 2 years!  So then I asked myself why?  Why haven't I written more, what am I waiting for?  What do I write in my journal?  I suppose the same as anyone else, thoughts, feelings, dreams, ideas.  So why haven't I written more than I have.  As anyone who has followed my blog knows (and I hope there's someone following!) I haven't been very faithful to my blog writing either, not here or in my story.   

So what is it, what is stopping me from doing what I know I want to do?  Why do I let other things get in the way?   Well, I think I've figured out at least part of it.

Fear.

Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of trying, of not trying, bla bla bla bla.....

ENOUGH OF THAT!  NO! NO MORE!!!  No more fear.  

It's time to get real, it's time to start living in the moment and treat my writing like a real job.   So here it is way past my bed time and I have to go to my other job in the morning.   The job I have to use for an income, but my writing has to become as much a priority as my family, or at least a close second?  

I don't come by this decision on my own. But after thought and some prayer, I realized that because of things that happened in my past, choices I made, choices others made that I allowed to take hold in my life, I've been living as if I were a second class citizen.  As if I didn't deserve as much joy and success in my life as others did.  WRONG!  As a King's daughter, I deserve just as much joy and success in my life as any other son or daughter of the King of kings!    Not because of what I've done or haven't done or might do.  But because of who I am in Him!  

Well, now you see what happens when I stay up to late.   

So beginning tomorrow, I spend at least 30 minutes writing, either here and/or in my journal (sorry, you don't get to read that!)  That's my promise to myself, not to anyone else, just to myself.  This is not like the promises I made to lose 20 pounds, or save $200 for some special event or purchase and then it didn't happen.   This is something I can do that doesn't require any extra special effort and no one will know but me and my King, my Creator Father.  Well, and my readers, if I write here or in my story blog.   The only exception will be the Sabbath, any special Sabbath's and days when we have all day family get togethers out of town.  (and even then I might be able to sneak in a few lines, in either my journal or blog).  Is it considered incorrect to talk about your blog IN your blog?  hmmmmmmm.....

 I'm tired of being, acting weak.  I'm not a second class citizen.  I'm strong and the daughter of the King of kings!  My future is straight ahead and I'm not slowing down for anyone every again (including myself!).


 Oh well.  Off to sleep for me now.   Goodnight all and Be Blessed.

Shalom!

Thank you SandiKrakowski for the loan of the picture!  

Here's a clue.

What's wrong with our society?

Here's a clue.

My daughter-in-law, 10 and 3 yr old grandsons and myself were at the highschool football game last night. Our little town has ONE stoplight, the other team comes from a town so small they only have a flashing amber caution light.  I mentioned the size of our tiny communities because you'd think proper manners would be the norm. (Not to say people in big cities don't have manners)

For the most part I was having more fun watching my 3 year old grandson than I was watching the game, he's just so cute! 

All was well until just before half time, and the group of teenagers behind us also started losing interest in the game.  One young fellow said "I told her not to give me the kid to hold, I'd probably f'n drop it. I D... sure don't need to be hold'n some kid. I'm not f'n ready to be a father" 

That was bad enough, but what bothered me more was the looks I got when I turned and said "excuse me? There are little boys here." And I pointed to my grandsons.  (My d-i-l was talking to her friend a few feet away and didn't hear the exchange) The youngster did apologize and curtailed his language the rest of the evening. 

But the looks I got from the people around us?? Disappointing!  The teenagers were fine with it but the older folks, 30+, looked at me as if I had 3 heads and committed the faux pas of the year.  No one said a word, they didn't have to.

When I was growing up we didn't even KNOW those words, and if we said them we most definitely would have been corrected by the nearest adult, but would have also received multiple scoldings from any and every adult in the vicinity, been thoroughly embarrassed, and NOT eagerly anticipating the mouthwashing, hineywarming experience awaiting at home, since we knew our parents would know by the time we got there.  (and this before cell phones).

It wasn't about "taking a village", no thanks hillary. 

It was about minding our manners and being prepared to face the consequences if we didn't.

We don't have that anymore.

That's what's wrong with our society today. 

We can disagree all day, that's ok.  But we can do so with manners.  I'm not talking about  fighting wars, that's different.

But person to person, face to face, could we have some manners PLEASE?

Taking Care of My Spirit

This has been a very looooooooonnnnng week!  It's only going to be 5 days that I work this week, but this weekend will be my 3rd weekend, 3rd Sabbath, in a row to work, so my spirit, soul and body are TIRED!!  (I had Monday off as a comp day for last Saturday). 

Ok, even to me that sounds like blah blah blah blah!   To make it easier, I do NOT appreciate having to work on the Sabbath.  And THAT is precisely why my spirit is tired, and if my spirit is tired, it only follows that my soul and body are tired.

A lot of people think of it the other way around; if their body is tired, then the rest of them is tired.  But for me, and many others that I know of; spirit tired, soul and body tired.  I can go a long time exerting myself physically, hiking, working, playing with grandkids,  etc,  if my spirit is refreshed.  But if my spirit is tired and has not had time for recuperation and restoration, then it doesn't matter if I've had 6, 8, 10 hours of sleep, I'm still tired. 

My spirit has to be able to rest, and for some reason, look at the Torah, I always rest better on the Sabbath.  I can "rest" all day on my Monday comp days, but then I just feel like I've wasted a day. But if I rest the full 24 hours of the Sabbath, Friday sundown to Saturday sundown then I feel fully restored, spirit, soul and body!  Even if my grandkids are staying the day!  I always have my meals already prepared or else I just make sandwiches.  I study the Torah portions and spend time in prayer, read, etc, as long as it's not restful or any kind of work.  I can do the same things any other day of the week and not get the same results.

Needless to say, I'm looking forward to Sabbath after next when I can actually honor the Sabbath, spirit, soul and body!

These three weeks have taught me a serious lesson, about taking care of my spirit, so my spirit can take care of the rest of me!

I think the world has it backwards, and this has been a very looooooooonnnnng week!

101st post, back to the beginning & my fav's!

I was trying to decide what to write for my 101st post, especially after yesterdays negativity.  I decided to start from the beginning and add some of my favourite posts.  It was very helpful for me.  I pray someone else is touched also.  

 

SHALOM!

 

Saturday, December 8, 2012

Hi Y'all !!
ok, here it is, my first entry in my first blog.  what i hope to achieve is to just be real and at the same time, encourage others.  but to start off, here's a little bit about who i am.  

i'm just about to turn 58.  i'm a spirit filled Christian woman.  i love my 3 kids & 3 bonus kids  (my kids spouses) & my 8 grandchildren!  my *day* job is coaching a team of 15-20 agents in a customer service company, which i enjoy doing....  most days.....   
i have a mind of my own and i'm not really impressed with people who want me (or others) to *shut up* just because they don't like what's being said.  i'm also not impressed with bully's (physical, mental or emotional), or people who criticize things that don't matter.
what i am impressed with is people who help others without expecting anything in return, people who are honest and hard working and aren't afraid or *too good* to get their hands dirty.   i'm impressed with people who can have a discussion, even if we disagree, without trying to make the other side *look stupid* just so they can say they are winning & without trying to use big words to prove how smart they are, etc.  you know what i mean?
i'm sure you'll find out more about who i am as time goes on..... (providing anyone reads my blog, LOL)  if you want to know more, you're welcome to check out my profile info! :)

THAT BEING SAID, LET THE BLOGGING BEGIN!

As i write my first blog, I'm watching Duck Dynasty.  I just love this show!  I really like how Phil & his sons respect & adore his wife (& their mom) Miss Kay.  I'm not saying they are perfect & there was one episode when Phil describes how he can *tune  out*  Miss Kay when she *babbles*.  But he did so with respect.   I also like how they aren't afraid to talk about the Bible & God!  now that's my idea of reality tv.  one time Phil said something to the effect of 'if you can find a woman who can cook and knows and lives her Bible, you got a keeper'  he didn't say anything about her being good looking, skinny, rich, etc.  just she needed to be a good cook, and know and LIVE her Bible! 
I'm not the best cook, and I can't say I'm anywhere close to a perfect Christian (hahahahaha), but I do my best to live my Bible.  some days i do better & some days......  well thank goodness for God's Grace!

Now, i realize, this first blog is pretty basic, nothing exciting, please be patience as i learn how to do this.  
i do want to give a shout out to Flylady, Oh SoShabby, Duck Dynasty & the Nebraska Cornhusker football team, some of my favourite likes on fb.  
I also follow Joseph Prince, Paula White, Joel Osteen & Jesse Duplantis, I love posts that encourage and bring joy & peace to my life!

Time for me to get busy with cleaning house, after putting in 10 hours a day at work, at least 2 days of my 5 at work, not getting to bed on time & getting up late, my place is a WRECK!  I'll try to add some more when i get the living room & kitchen cleaned up......   

Saturday, December 29, 2012

You reached out to me & reminded me that You miss me even more than i miss You!

WHAT A WEEK!  UPSIDE DOWN TURNAROUND KRAZY! 

I haven't written anything all week i don't think, and i've missed it!  even if no one reads this, i'm writing this more for me than anyone else.  after all was said & done this week, one thing really hit hard tonight.  i was sitting in my car, waiting in at wattaburger to get a sandwich & fries for one of our security guards.  2 of our security guards have been out sick this week and this poor guy was pulling a double shift.  So as i was leaving work i asked if he'd like me to make a coffee run for him, & he asked if i could get him a cheeseburger & fries.  Soooo, as i was sitting in line listening to KLOVE RADIO i realized just how long it had been since i'd really spent any quality time with God, Jesus & Holy Spirit.  i mean REAL quality time!  with no tv, no radio, just me praising & worshipping, as best i can with my untalented voice, & then just talking to Him & listening for His voice!  to be honest, i don't remember the last time i went to church (because i usually stay up too late saturday night & can't get my lazy hiney up Sunday morning!).  I miss Pastors Tom & Mary, i used to be able to really connect with God at church when they were there.  But Pastor Tom always said for us to be careful & not depend on them for our *connection* to God, but that we should be able to *connect* with God on our own.  I did pretty good for a long time after they retired, but i've somehow allowed myself to drift away from that precious time i used to spend with God.  and i've used plenty of excuses too!   I have to run errands, clean house, get busy & get ready for work, etc etc etc.   

Sitting there in the car listening to the radio, I remembered the joy & peace i used to find in spending time with Him, sometimes for no reason at all other than just to find that joy and peace & know that i was spending time with HIM, my best Friend, Saviour, Lover of my soul, my Creator, Protector, Provider, Healer, Comforter, Keeper of my secrets, Heavenly Father, Brother & Holy Spirit.  and these *titles* don't begin to explain the peace I find in His presence.  

So thank You God, for speaking to me tonight, even though i wasn't reaching out to You, You reached out to me & reminded me that You miss me even more than i miss You!  Thank You for loving me, not giving up on me and drawing me close, drawing me back to You!  

Saturday, September 28, 2013

HOMESICK

on Thursday, driving back from watching my granddaughter cheerlead the Jr High football game, the drive seem to take much longer than it should have.  As if someone had literally stretched the road out an extra 15 miles or more.  it seemed surreal.  I've driven that road I don't know how many hundreds of times.  and it seemed to just go on and on and on and on and on!  It was as if I had never driven that road ever before.  I don't know how to even explain the experience adequately, except to say, it was surreal.  by the time I got home I was so exhausted, yet I could not sleep because the experience had shaken me so much!  I knew I was supposed to learn something from it, but what?
I've had other similar experiences, standing outside my apartment looking at the traffic go by, and it all seems so unfamiliar, as though I were a stranger just passing through and stopping for the night & waking the next morning to more unfamiliar traffic passing by on the road in front of me.  other times it's been just a moment of going into a building, or talking to someone, and it just seems strange as though I have never done it before and yet I know I have.
so what was the lesson learned?  it took me awhile to put it all together.  (first of all checking to make sure I hadn't lost my mind, hahaha).  but then I realized, the reason why these insistences seem to be increasing in frequency is because I am becoming more and more aware of how this earth is only a temporary home.  how many times I've written in my journal or told a friend how I seem to be more homesick for Heaven all the time.
NO, I have not lost my mind, and I believe that God is not done teaching me a lesson in all of this.
part of it is, because I stress so much over details and getting everything just right, at work, with my family, with everything.  I believe God is trying to show me how temporary all this is, and stop worrying about it and let Him take care of the details, let Him take care of it all.
what I continually hear from God, from my Abba, is to let His light shine in & through me by just being joyful in His presence, no matter where I am or what I'm doing, even when I'm by myself.   stop worrying so much. &,  it's ok to be homesick for Heaven, it's a good thing.

Sunday, September 29, 2013

Abiding in His Grace, His Shalom Peace

Do y'all realize tomorrow ends September & Tuesday will begin the last quarter of this year?  I'm sitting here trying to think what I've really accomplished this year.  Is my life any "better"  than it was in January or this time last year?  How has my life changed?  What's better about it?   What's changed is easy, things at work have changed, the hours I work, the team I work with has changed 4 X's, I'm driving a different car.  I've lost a little more weight (but not nearly enough to make my Dr or myself happy).  I've been able to take 1 vacation & spend it with my kids in east Texas, (that was fun!) & because I've had my hours changed I've been able to spend more time with my kids that live more local.  I wish I could say I had spent more time with my daughter in Nebraska, but sadly it's too far away.  I have made some new friends at work (Lora & Staci!) who are helping me to learn new things about the Torah & the Messianic Church. 
But all in all I'm still doing the same old thing.  Going to work, coming home, going to work, coming home, going to work, coming home......   sometimes adding church in there (more frequently since I switched to a more GRACE based church) & spending more time with family of course.  I always enjoy when I can spend time with my kids & grandkids.  

So, what's my point?  

Just this, for the next 3 months it is my goal to spend at least 15 minutes every day doing something fun, determining the *fun* maybe a little more difficult, but I'm going to do it.  Why?  Because I need to get off the *going to work, coming home, going to work, coming home* treadmill.  I need to have more in my life.  
Starting tonight, I'm going to find the murder mystery book I bought at Hastings & finish reading it.  Well not finish it all tonight, but start reading it again to finish it.  

I'm also going to take better care of myself, eat healthier, get more exorcise, get more sleep, etc.  

And most importantly, I'm going to spend more time with my Abba!  I just want to talk to him & hear His voice!  maybe not audibly, but you know what I mean.

By the end of this year I want my life to be happier, more fulfilling, & more peaceful.  Just as He has already spoken into my

But all in all I'm still doing the same old thing.  Going to work, coming home, going to work, coming home, going to work, coming home......   sometimes adding church in there (more frequently since I switched to a GRACE based church) & spending more time with family of course.  I always enjoy when I can spend time with my kids & grandkids.  

So, what's my point?  

Just this, for the next 3 months it is my goal to spend at least 15 minutes every day doing something fun, determining the *fun* maybe a little more difficult, but I'm going to do it.  Why?  Because I need to get off the *going to work, coming home, going to work, coming home* treadmill.  I need to have more in my life.  
Starting tonight, I'm going to find the murder mystery book i bought at Hastings & finish reading it.  Well not finish it all tonight, but start reading it again to finish it.  

I'm also going to take better care of myself, eat healthier, get more exercise, get more sleep, etc.  

And most importantly, I'm going to spend more time with my Abba!  I just want to talk to him & hear His voice!  maybe not audibly, but you know what I mean.

By the end of this year I want my life to be happier, more fulfilling, & more peaceful.  Just as He has already spoken into my life that He wants me to worry less, to rest in His Shalom Peace, His Grace, that's what I desire.  His Shalom Peace, His Grace.  Nothing missing, nothing broken, nothing out of place, receiving unmerited favour & unexpected blessings!   

By abiding in His Grace, His Shalom Peace, I will have more of Him to share with others, especially my family & friends!  & that's my ultimate goal, to be closer to Him & have more of Him to give to others!  I believe that is what He has called me to do in whatever time we have left to share His love with others.

Thank you for listening to my ramblings, & I hope this encourages you to do whatever it is He has called you to do. 

Saturday, December 21, 2013

Emotions. We all have them.

So, first of all,  please let me apologize to my readers, whomever & where ever you are, for not posting earlier this week.  Working 9 & 10 hour days almost everyday for the last few weeks is getting old.   Correction, it's already old.  I'm so done with that nonsense.  But more on that later.

I just want to share one thing with everyone before I get started housecleaning.  (hold on, I need to go get another cup of coffee...),  ok, coffee refilled.  

Emotions.  We all have them.  Yahuah (most of you call him by the name God), created us in His image.  

Nehemiah 8:10 
 And Nehemiah continued, "Go and celebrate with a feast of rich foods and sweet drinks, and share gifts of food with people who have nothing prepared.  This is a sacred day before our Lord.   Don't be dejected and sad, for the joy of the Lord is your strength!"

What did Nehemiah say?  "...for the joy of the Lord is your strength!"

When Yahuah entered the temple & saw it had  been made into a money changers pit (from hell?).   What did he do?  He became angry and threw over the tables & threw out the money changers & yelled at them!  

Emotions!

John 3:16
"For Yahuah so loved the world He gave His one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life."   

What did Yahuah do?  He LOVED us!  

Love is not just a verb, it's an emotion.  

Why am I talking about emotions?

Because this time of year people, (that's us), go through a lot of emotions.  Joy, sadness, anger, depression, fear, etc.   But we are told by the media, by *society* that the only acceptable emotion is joy.  If you are anything but happy, joyful, then there is something wrong with you, you are not normal, take a pill, see a counselor, read a book, "get over yourself".    

My personal belief is that this is WRONG!   What happens when we deny those other emotions?  We stuff them down deeper inside of us with food, drugs, alcohol, spending, and other supposedly more socially acceptable behaviours.

Now I'm not saying it's ok to be angry and go yell at or hit whomever you are angry with, or that medicine isn't helpful at the right time.    

Emotions themselves are not the problem.  It's what we do with them, because of them that becomes the problem.   

All I am saying is that we have emotions.  We need to deal with them, recognize them as real and a part of who we are.    Don't live in the negative emotions, but don't try to stuff them down, hide them away.   Face them, deal with them, fix whatever is causing them.    

Sometimes emotions are the smoke, we turn on the fan & blow away the smoke, without putting out the fire causing the smoke.    IT'S TIME TO PUT OUT THE FIRES, IT'S TIME TO BE REAL AND FIND OUT WHAT'S REALLY CAUSING OUR EMOTIONS.  

It's not the emotions that are the problem.

I'm really tired of people telling me, 'you shouldn't feel sad, afraid, fearful, etc'  or 'why do you feel like that, you have a car, a safe place to live, food & clothing, what reason do you have to feel that way?'  etc etc etc

Thank you, to some really good friends, (Lora & Gloria), who talk me through my 'moments'  and a new acquaintance, who have pointed me to some info I'm still researching that might explain why I have always felt, thought, been different than what 'normal' people experience.
 
Now, keep in mind.  This is just my opinion.  This is what I believe I have heard Yahuah saying to me, a lot, lately.   

So I guess what I'm trying to say, is let yourself FEEL, experience the emotion and ask Yahuah what He wants you to learn from it, do with it, etc.   

I will no longer stuff my emotions deeper, try to run away from them, pretend they don't exist.  I am real person, created in His image, & He had emotions.  Emotions are a *normal*, real, part of being alive.

OK, enough for now, one more cup of coffee then I get back to cleaning.   oooops, one last emotion, I HATE CLEANING HOUSE!!!  LOL.   

Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Yahuah lift up His face upon you and give you peace

I was going to write on my story blog tonight, but I feel the need to add something here instead.  I was in Walmart tonight getting some medicine for my allergies/cold, whatever this is.  I was not at all pleased with what I saw there.

As I was waiting in line, listening to bits and pieces of conversations, not eavesdropping just hearing the words of people as they passed by me, I saw very few smiles.  It was as if everyone had been commanded to be sad.  The very few times I did see someone smile, they were buying alcohol for their new years eve celebration, I assume.  I find that disturbing.  Why should they be the only ones allowed to smile?

Well, the answer is they're not!  We, His Children, the creation of our Creator, should have more reason to smile than any of them!  I'm not saying we're required to be happy and smiling ALL the time, but come on, let's get real, we have more reason to smile than anyone else on earth!  And yet, here was this whole store full of people wearing sadness as though it were their favorite garment to wear.  

My solution?  Well, it wasn't really my solution, it was Yahuah's, SMILE!!!  So that's what I did, as I left the store I made it a point to smile at people on purpose and tell them HAPPY NEW YEAR if they gave me any opportunity at all.  Yes, I got a few strange looks, but I left the store encouraged because I got more smiles in return than I got the strange looks.  

This is not the first time this has happened to me, and I doubt it will be the last.  But this time was different.  I've been feeling a bit *down* myself, due to some allergy/cold symptoms and some personal stress.  I was just kind of in limbo land, not happy, not sad, when Yahuah showed me the sadness that was settling on the other shoppers was the same thing trying to settle itself on me.    There was no sudden revelation, just a gentle nudge, just a knowing, I needed to smile & spread the smiles as much as I could.  And so I did.  

In these days where there is so much bad news, sometimes even pure wickedness, hatred, revenge, etc trying to take over our hearts and souls, our minds, our families, our country, we have to fight back.  I don't know that we can change the tide of wickedness, but we can change our response!    I'm not saying we should stick our heads in the sand and deny what is happening around us.   What I am saying is that we need to hold our heads up high and smile our way through it.  Smile, rest and trust in God.  Evil will happen, for a little while longer anyway.  BUT IN THE END THE VICTORY IS HIS AND OURS!!!!  that alone should give us reason to smile.   We will have those days when smiling is the last thing we want to do.  I don't deny that.  But we must smile, we must allow "the Joy of the Lord" to strengthen us, to permeate our beings!  

Yahuah, I pray You will strengthen us throughout this new year, throughout each new day.  Strengthen us and fill us with Your Joy and Peace that we would be able to share Your presence, Your Joy and Peace, with each other and with the world.  That through our smiles, Your Joy, You would call others unto Yourself!  And Yahuah, in those moments when I find myself not wanting, maybe even thinking I'm unable to smile, remind me of the words You spoke to me this night.  Remind me my smile is not just for me, but it's for Your purposes, for others.  and never let me forget what Your Word says in Jeremiah 29:11-13  "For I know the plans I am planning for you,' declares Yahuah, 'plans of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and expectancy.  Then you shall call on Me, and shall come and pray to Me, and I shall listen to you.  And you shall seek Me, and shall find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart."   I thank You Yahuah for wrapping your Love and Peace and Joy around me so much so that I just feel so much of Your Love right now!  

I could probably continue writing until midnight, but I don't want to bore anyone, so let me end this evening with this:

Numbers 6:24-26  "Yahuah bless you and guard you; Yahuah make His face shine upon you, and show favour to you;  Yahuah lift up His face upon you and give you peace"

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

I have to write,

oh my!

it's been some time since i wrote.  there's been so much going on and every time i think i'll have time to write, i lack the energy. 

then frustration got the best of me.  i was at a point where i didn't want to write, i didn't want to talk with anyone, except a couple of friends.  i tried, really did to open up to others, but you know where that got me?  no where, ridiculed, feeling even more lonely.  I don't think like others, i know that.  why did i ever think i could let anyone else in?  yes, i have some very close friends and i can talk to them, but one was with her husband who had been put in the hospital in icu. my closest sisterfriend lives out of town and while we text often, chat by phone occasionally, we get to see each other maybe once a month, if we're lucky.  another friend lost her husband a month ago.  the last month has been mostly work, being there for my friends, family and resting when i could.

don't get me wrong, i was absolutely there for my friends!  my heart was broken for my friend who lost her husband (she found him on the cement, just outside their door, massive heart attack)  and all i could do was be there for her & pray.  my other friend's husband's kidneys had mostly shut down and when i showed up at the hospital she looked at me with complete surprise and said "what are you doing here?!"  she was so shocked that someone would come to be there for her and her husband, that broke my heart as much having to watch her worry so much about her husband.  

that left my other sisterfriend, i don't know if she is even aware of how much she helped me over the last 2 months.  just being a sounding board & good company  was enough to carry me through.

and of course, i'm not discounting my Savior!  without Him, well, without Him, what would be the point?  I don't even want to think of life without Yahuah!

anyway, back to writing.  I had at one point decided I wasn't going to write any more, maybe in my journal, but not here, certainly not here and wasn't even worried about finishing my short story blog (sorry, for those of you waiting for the end, i'm getting back to it).   I just was that sad, lonely, angry, frustrated, aggravated, irritated, tired, UGH, that i didn't want to do anything.  oh, i put on a good face, i can make a plastic smile with the best of them!  but that's all it was, a plastic smile. 

i couldn't say why, but at some point i was sitting here, feeling all those negative yucky feelings, crying out to YAHUAH, (literally).   I think i saw something on facebook or g+ or maybe a picture or a text someone sent me, i don't remember the defining moment.    but it was as if i heard His voice speaking to my spirit.  I can't say they were audible or even understandable words, it was more a nudging.  and i knew at that moment, i could not give up my writing.  it was given to me by Him, for His use (& for me as an outlet, a way to be me when i can't be me anywhere else).

That's when i determined in my spirit, i was NOT going to let the enemy take my gift from me!  it still took me some time to write again, but here i am.

it might be touch and go for awhile, i'll be moving in a couple of weeks from an apartment into a house (YAY), so there might some lapses.  But i'm determined to write again, even if no one bothers to read any of it,  I'm not doing this for anyone but YAHUAH.  (yes, it gives me a release of sorts, but it's all for Him!)

I have to write, He fills my spirit with words and I have to write them.

Monday, June 2, 2014

~ made me cry.....

~ made me cry.....
I am Second® - Kay Robertson: http://youtu.be/SwLC76lHuHQ

Monday, September 1, 2014

the garden of my spirit

It took me some time to let my Heavenly Father dig those ugly roots out of my spirit & heart. every now and then, one of them tries to take root again.   I used to say "I'm entitled to be angry! he/she/they lied to/lied about/hurt/betrayed me"  but then I learned I was not entitled to hang on to my pain.  we are not supposed to hurt any of His children! I'm one of His children and I was hurting myself!  So now when one of those ugly roots tries to sprout up again, I do my very best to let the Master Gardner remove it, by helping me to forgive that person(s) & myself.  I can't tell you how wonderful it is to forgive those others & to be forgiven by my Heavenly Father (& hopefully by those I wronged!)