I was trying to decide what to write for my 101st post, especially after yesterdays negativity. I decided to start from the beginning and add some of my favourite posts. It was very helpful for me. I pray someone else is touched also.
SHALOM!
Saturday, December 8, 2012
Hi Y'all !!
ok, here it
is, my first entry in my first blog. what i hope to achieve is to just
be real and at the same time, encourage others. but to start off,
here's a little bit about who i am.
i'm just about
to turn 58. i'm a spirit filled Christian woman. i love my 3 kids
& 3 bonus kids (my kids spouses) & my 8 grandchildren! my
*day* job is coaching a team of 15-20 agents in a customer service
company, which i enjoy doing.... most days.....
i have a mind
of my own and i'm not really impressed with people who want me (or
others) to *shut up* just because they don't like what's being said.
i'm also not impressed with bully's (physical, mental or emotional), or
people who criticize things that don't matter.
what i am
impressed with is people who help others without expecting anything in
return, people who are honest and hard working and aren't afraid or *too
good* to get their hands dirty. i'm impressed with people who can
have a discussion, even if we disagree, without trying to make the other
side *look stupid* just so they can say they are winning & without
trying to use big words to prove how smart they are, etc. you know what
i mean?
i'm sure
you'll find out more about who i am as time goes on..... (providing
anyone reads my blog, LOL) if you want to know more, you're welcome to
check out my profile info! :)
THAT BEING SAID, LET THE BLOGGING BEGIN!
As i write my
first blog, I'm watching Duck Dynasty. I just love this show! I really
like how Phil & his sons respect & adore his wife (& their
mom) Miss Kay. I'm not saying they are perfect & there was one
episode when Phil describes how he can *tune out* Miss Kay when she
*babbles*. But he did so with respect. I also like how they aren't
afraid to talk about the Bible & God! now that's my idea of reality
tv. one time Phil said something to the effect of 'if you can find a
woman who can cook and knows and lives her Bible, you got a keeper' he
didn't say anything about her being good looking, skinny, rich, etc.
just she needed to be a good cook, and know and LIVE her Bible!
I'm not the
best cook, and I can't say I'm anywhere close to a perfect Christian
(hahahahaha), but I do my best to live my Bible. some days i do better
& some days...... well thank goodness for God's Grace!
Now, i realize, this first blog is pretty basic, nothing exciting, please be patience as i learn how to do this.
i do want to
give a shout out to Flylady, Oh SoShabby, Duck Dynasty & the
Nebraska Cornhusker football team, some of my favourite likes on fb.
I also follow
Joseph Prince, Paula White, Joel Osteen & Jesse Duplantis, I love
posts that encourage and bring joy & peace to my life!
Time for me to
get busy with cleaning house, after putting in 10 hours a day at work,
at least 2 days of my 5 at work, not getting to bed on time &
getting up late, my place is a WRECK! I'll try to add some more when i
get the living room & kitchen cleaned up......
Saturday, December 29, 2012
You reached out to me & reminded me that You miss me even more than i miss You!
WHAT A WEEK! UPSIDE DOWN TURNAROUND KRAZY!
I haven't
written anything all week i don't think, and i've missed it! even if no
one reads this, i'm writing this more for me than anyone else. after
all was said & done this week, one thing really hit hard tonight. i
was sitting in my car, waiting in at wattaburger to get a sandwich
& fries for one of our security guards. 2 of our security guards
have been out sick this week and this poor guy was pulling a double
shift. So as i was leaving work i asked if he'd like me to make a
coffee run for him, & he asked if i could get him a cheeseburger
& fries. Soooo, as i was sitting in line listening to KLOVE RADIO
i realized just how long it had been since i'd really spent any quality
time with God, Jesus & Holy Spirit. i mean REAL quality time!
with no tv, no radio, just me praising & worshipping, as best i can
with my untalented voice, & then just talking to Him & listening
for His voice! to be honest, i don't remember the last time i went to
church (because i usually stay up too late saturday night & can't
get my lazy hiney up Sunday morning!). I miss Pastors Tom & Mary,
i used to be able to really connect with God at church when they were
there. But Pastor Tom always said for us to be careful & not depend
on them for our *connection* to God, but that we should be able to
*connect* with God on our own. I did pretty good for a long time after
they retired, but i've somehow allowed myself to drift away from that
precious time i used to spend with God. and i've used plenty of excuses
too! I have to run errands, clean house, get busy & get ready for
work, etc etc etc.
Sitting there
in the car listening to the radio, I remembered the joy & peace i
used to find in spending time with Him, sometimes for no reason at all
other than just to find that joy and peace & know that i was
spending time with HIM, my best Friend, Saviour, Lover of my soul, my
Creator, Protector, Provider, Healer, Comforter, Keeper of my secrets,
Heavenly Father, Brother & Holy Spirit. and these *titles* don't
begin to explain the peace I find in His presence.
So thank You
God, for speaking to me tonight, even though i wasn't reaching out to
You, You reached out to me & reminded me that You miss me even more
than i miss You! Thank You for loving me, not giving up on me and
drawing me close, drawing me back to You!
Saturday, September 28, 2013
HOMESICK
on Thursday, driving back from watching my granddaughter cheerlead the
Jr High football game, the drive seem to take much longer than it should
have. As if someone had literally stretched the road out an extra 15
miles or more. it seemed surreal. I've driven that road I don't know
how many hundreds of times. and it seemed to just go on and on and on
and on and on! It was as if I had never driven that road ever before.
I don't know how to even explain the experience adequately, except to
say, it was surreal. by the time I got home I was so exhausted, yet I
could not sleep because the experience had shaken me so much! I knew I
was supposed to learn something from it, but what?
I've had other similar experiences, standing outside my apartment
looking at the traffic go by, and it all seems so unfamiliar, as though I
were a stranger just passing through and stopping for the night &
waking the next morning to more unfamiliar traffic passing by on the
road in front of me. other times it's been just a moment of going into a
building, or talking to someone, and it just seems strange as though I
have never done it before and yet I know I have.
so what was the lesson learned? it took me awhile to put it all
together. (first of all checking to make sure I hadn't lost my mind,
hahaha). but then I realized, the reason why these insistences seem to
be increasing in frequency is because I am becoming more and more aware
of how this earth is only a temporary home. how many times I've written
in my journal or told a friend how I seem to be more homesick for
Heaven all the time.
NO, I have not lost my mind, and I believe that God is not done teaching me a lesson in all of this.
part of it is, because I stress so much over details and getting
everything just right, at work, with my family, with everything. I
believe God is trying to show me how temporary all this is, and stop
worrying about it and let Him take care of the details, let Him take
care of it all.
what I continually hear from God, from my Abba, is to let His light
shine in & through me by just being joyful in His presence, no
matter where I am or what I'm doing, even when I'm by myself. stop
worrying so much. &, it's ok to be homesick for Heaven, it's a good
thing.
Sunday, September 29, 2013
Abiding in His Grace, His Shalom Peace
Do y'all realize tomorrow ends September & Tuesday will begin the
last quarter of this year? I'm sitting here trying to think what I've
really accomplished this year. Is my life any "better" than it was in
January or this time last year? How has my life changed? What's better
about it? What's changed is easy, things at work have changed, the
hours I work, the team I work with has changed 4 X's, I'm driving a
different car. I've lost a little more weight (but not nearly enough to
make my Dr or myself happy). I've been able to take 1 vacation &
spend it with my kids in east Texas, (that was fun!) & because I've
had my hours changed I've been able to spend more time with my kids that
live more local. I wish I could say I had spent more time with my
daughter in Nebraska, but sadly it's too far away. I have made some new
friends at work (Lora & Staci!) who are helping me to learn new
things about the Torah & the Messianic Church.
But all in all I'm still
doing the same old thing. Going to work, coming home, going to work,
coming home, going to work, coming home...... sometimes adding church
in there (more frequently since I switched to a more GRACE based church)
& spending more time with family of course. I always enjoy when I
can spend time with my kids & grandkids.
So, what's my point?
Just
this, for the next 3 months it is my goal to spend at least 15 minutes
every day doing something fun, determining the *fun* maybe a little more
difficult, but I'm going to do it. Why? Because I need to get off the
*going to work, coming home, going to work, coming home* treadmill. I
need to have more in my life.
Starting tonight, I'm going to
find the murder mystery book I bought at Hastings & finish reading it. Well
not finish it all tonight, but start reading it again to finish it.
I'm also going to take better care of myself, eat healthier, get more exorcise, get more sleep, etc.
And
most importantly, I'm going to spend more time with my Abba! I just
want to talk to him & hear His voice! maybe not audibly, but you
know what I mean.
By the end of this year I want my
life to be happier, more fulfilling, & more peaceful. Just as He
has already spoken into my
But all in all I'm still
doing the same old thing. Going to work, coming home, going to work,
coming home, going to work, coming home...... sometimes adding church
in there (more frequently since I switched to a GRACE based church)
& spending more time with family of course. I always enjoy when I
can spend time with my kids & grandkids.
So, what's my point?
Just
this, for the next 3 months it is my goal to spend at least 15 minutes
every day doing something fun, determining the *fun* maybe a little more
difficult, but I'm going to do it. Why? Because I need to get off the
*going to work, coming home, going to work, coming home* treadmill. I
need to have more in my life.
Starting tonight, I'm going to
find the murder mystery book i bought at Hastings & finish reading it. Well
not finish it all tonight, but start reading it again to finish it.
I'm also going to take better care of myself, eat healthier, get more exercise, get more sleep, etc.
And
most importantly, I'm going to spend more time with my Abba! I just
want to talk to him & hear His voice! maybe not audibly, but you
know what I mean.
By the end of this year I want my
life to be happier, more fulfilling, & more peaceful. Just as He
has already spoken into my life that He wants me to worry less, to rest
in His Shalom Peace, His Grace, that's what I desire. His Shalom Peace, His Grace. Nothing
missing, nothing broken, nothing out of place, receiving unmerited favour
& unexpected blessings!
By abiding in His Grace,
His Shalom Peace, I will have more of Him to share with others,
especially my family & friends! & that's my ultimate goal, to
be closer to Him & have more of Him to give to others! I believe
that is what He has called me to do in whatever time we have left to
share His love with others.
Thank you for listening to my ramblings, & I hope this encourages you to do whatever it is He has called you to do.
Saturday, December 21, 2013
Emotions. We all have them.
So,
first of all, please let me apologize to my readers, whomever &
where ever you are, for not posting earlier this week. Working 9 &
10 hour days almost everyday for the last few weeks is getting old.
Correction, it's already old. I'm so done with that nonsense. But more
on that later.
I
just want to share one thing with everyone before I get started
housecleaning. (hold on, I need to go get another cup of coffee...),
ok, coffee refilled.
Emotions. We all have them. Yahuah (most of you call him by the name God), created us in His image.
Nehemiah 8:10
And
Nehemiah continued, "Go and celebrate with a feast of rich foods and
sweet drinks, and share gifts of food with people who have nothing
prepared. This is a sacred day before our Lord. Don't be dejected and
sad, for the joy of the Lord is your strength!"
What did Nehemiah say? "...for the joy of the Lord is your strength!"
When
Yahuah entered the temple & saw it had been made into a money
changers pit (from hell?). What did he do? He became angry and threw
over the tables & threw out the money changers & yelled at them!
Emotions!
John 3:16
"For
Yahuah so loved the world He gave His one and only Son, so that
everyone who believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life."
What did Yahuah do? He LOVED us!
Love is not just a verb, it's an emotion.
Why am I talking about emotions?
Because
this time of year people, (that's us), go through a lot of emotions.
Joy, sadness, anger, depression, fear, etc. But we are told by the
media, by *society* that the only acceptable emotion is joy. If you are
anything but happy, joyful, then there is something wrong with you, you
are not normal, take a pill, see a counselor, read a book, "get over
yourself".
My
personal belief is that this is WRONG! What happens when we deny
those other emotions? We stuff them down deeper inside of us with food,
drugs, alcohol, spending, and other supposedly more socially acceptable
behaviours.
Now
I'm not saying it's ok to be angry and go yell at or hit whomever you
are angry with, or that medicine isn't helpful at the right time.
Emotions themselves are not the problem. It's what we do with them, because of them that becomes the problem.
All
I am saying is that we have emotions. We need to deal with them,
recognize them as real and a part of who we are. Don't live in the
negative emotions, but don't try to stuff them down, hide them away.
Face them, deal with them, fix whatever is causing them.
Sometimes
emotions are the smoke, we turn on the fan & blow away the smoke,
without putting out the fire causing the smoke. IT'S TIME TO PUT OUT
THE FIRES, IT'S TIME TO BE REAL AND FIND OUT WHAT'S REALLY CAUSING OUR
EMOTIONS.
It's not the emotions that are the problem.
I'm
really tired of people telling me, 'you shouldn't feel sad, afraid,
fearful, etc' or 'why do you feel like that, you have a car, a safe
place to live, food & clothing, what reason do you have to feel that
way?' etc etc etc
Thank
you, to some really good friends, (Lora & Gloria), who talk me
through my 'moments' and a new acquaintance, who have pointed me to
some info I'm still researching that might explain why I have always
felt, thought, been different than what 'normal' people experience.
Now, keep in mind. This is just my opinion. This is what I believe I have heard Yahuah saying to me, a lot, lately.
So
I guess what I'm trying to say, is let yourself FEEL, experience the
emotion and ask Yahuah what He wants you to learn from it, do with it,
etc.
I
will no longer stuff my emotions deeper, try to run away from them,
pretend they don't exist. I am real person, created in His image, &
He had emotions. Emotions are a *normal*, real, part of being alive.
OK,
enough for now, one more cup of coffee then I get back to cleaning.
oooops, one last emotion, I HATE CLEANING HOUSE!!! LOL.
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Yahuah lift up His face upon you and give you peace
I
was going to write on my story blog tonight, but I feel the need to add
something here instead. I was in Walmart tonight getting some medicine
for my allergies/cold, whatever this is. I was not at all pleased with
what I saw there.
As
I was waiting in line, listening to bits and pieces of conversations,
not eavesdropping just hearing the words of people as they passed by me,
I saw very few smiles. It was as if everyone had been commanded to be
sad. The very few times I did see someone smile, they were buying
alcohol for their new years eve celebration, I assume. I find that
disturbing. Why should they be the only ones allowed to smile?
Well,
the answer is they're not! We, His Children, the creation of our
Creator, should have more reason to smile than any of them! I'm not
saying we're required to be happy and smiling ALL the time, but come on,
let's get real, we have more reason to smile than anyone else on
earth! And yet, here was this whole store full of people wearing
sadness as though it were their favorite garment to wear.
My
solution? Well, it wasn't really my solution, it was Yahuah's,
SMILE!!! So that's what I did, as I left the store I made it a point to
smile at people on purpose and tell them HAPPY NEW YEAR if they gave me
any opportunity at all. Yes, I got a few strange looks, but I left the
store encouraged because I got more smiles in return than I got the
strange looks.
This
is not the first time this has happened to me, and I doubt it will be
the last. But this time was different. I've been feeling a bit *down*
myself, due to some allergy/cold symptoms and some personal stress. I
was just kind of in limbo land, not happy, not sad, when Yahuah showed
me the sadness that was settling on the other shoppers was the same
thing trying to settle itself on me. There was no sudden revelation,
just a gentle nudge, just a knowing, I needed to smile & spread the
smiles as much as I could. And so I did.
In
these days where there is so much bad news, sometimes even pure
wickedness, hatred, revenge, etc trying to take over our hearts and
souls, our minds, our families, our country, we have to fight back. I
don't know that we can change the tide of wickedness, but we can change
our response! I'm not saying we should stick our heads in the sand
and deny what is happening around us. What I am saying is that we need
to hold our heads up high and smile our way through it. Smile, rest
and trust in God. Evil will happen, for a little while longer anyway.
BUT IN THE END THE VICTORY IS HIS AND OURS!!!! that alone should give
us reason to smile. We will have those days when smiling is the last
thing we want to do. I don't deny that. But we must smile, we must
allow "the Joy of the Lord" to strengthen us, to permeate our beings!
Yahuah,
I pray You will strengthen us throughout this new year, throughout each
new day. Strengthen us and fill us with Your Joy and Peace that we
would be able to share Your presence, Your Joy and Peace, with each
other and with the world. That through our smiles, Your Joy, You would
call others unto Yourself! And Yahuah, in those moments when I find
myself not wanting, maybe even thinking I'm unable to smile, remind me
of the words You spoke to me this night. Remind me my smile is not just
for me, but it's for Your purposes, for others. and never let me
forget what Your Word says in Jeremiah 29:11-13 "For I know the plans I
am planning for you,' declares Yahuah, 'plans of peace and not of evil,
to give you a future and expectancy. Then you shall call on Me, and
shall come and pray to Me, and I shall listen to you. And you shall
seek Me, and shall find Me, when you search for Me with all your
heart." I thank You Yahuah for wrapping your Love and Peace and Joy
around me so much so that I just feel so much of Your Love right now!
I could probably continue writing until midnight, but I don't want to bore anyone, so let me end this evening with this:
Numbers
6:24-26 "Yahuah bless you and guard you; Yahuah make His face shine
upon you, and show favour to you; Yahuah lift up His face upon you and
give you peace"
Wednesday, May 14, 2014
I have to write,
oh my!
it's been some time since i wrote. there's been so much going on and
every time i think i'll have time to write, i lack the energy.
then frustration got the best of me. i was at a point where i didn't
want to write, i didn't want to talk with anyone, except a couple of
friends. i tried, really did to open up to others, but you know where
that got me? no where, ridiculed, feeling even more lonely. I don't
think like others, i know that. why did i ever think i could let anyone
else in? yes, i have some very close friends and i can talk to them,
but one was with her husband who had been put in the hospital in icu. my
closest sisterfriend lives out of town and while we text often, chat by
phone occasionally, we get to see each other maybe once a month, if
we're lucky. another friend lost her husband a month ago. the last
month has been mostly work, being there for my friends, family and
resting when i could.
don't get me wrong, i was absolutely there for my friends! my heart was
broken for my friend who lost her husband (she found him on the cement,
just outside their door, massive heart attack) and all i could do was
be there for her & pray. my other friend's husband's kidneys had
mostly shut down and when i showed up at the hospital she looked at me
with complete surprise and said "what are you doing here?!" she was so
shocked that someone would come to be there for her and her husband,
that broke my heart as much having to watch her worry so much about her
husband.
that left my other sisterfriend, i don't know if she is even aware of
how much she helped me over the last 2 months. just being a sounding
board & good company was enough to carry me through.
and of course, i'm not discounting my Savior! without Him, well,
without Him, what would be the point? I don't even want to think of
life without Yahuah!
anyway, back to writing. I had at one point decided I wasn't going to
write any more, maybe in my journal, but not here, certainly not here
and wasn't even worried about finishing my short story blog (sorry, for
those of you waiting for the end, i'm getting back to it). I just was
that sad, lonely, angry, frustrated, aggravated, irritated, tired, UGH,
that i didn't want to do anything. oh, i put on a good face, i can make
a plastic smile with the best of them! but that's all it was, a
plastic smile.
i couldn't say why, but at some point i was sitting here, feeling all
those negative yucky feelings, crying out to YAHUAH, (literally). I
think i saw something on facebook or g+ or maybe a picture or a text
someone sent me, i don't remember the defining moment. but it was as
if i heard His voice speaking to my spirit. I can't say they were
audible or even understandable words, it was more a nudging. and i knew
at that moment, i could not give up my writing. it was given to me by
Him, for His use (& for me as an outlet, a way to be me when i can't
be me anywhere else).
That's when i determined in my spirit, i was NOT going to let the enemy
take my gift from me! it still took me some time to write again, but
here i am.
it might be touch and go for awhile, i'll be moving in a couple of weeks
from an apartment into a house (YAY), so there might some lapses. But
i'm determined to write again, even if no one bothers to read any of
it, I'm not doing this for anyone but YAHUAH. (yes, it gives me a
release of sorts, but it's all for Him!)
I have to write, He fills my spirit with words and I have to write them.
Monday, June 2, 2014
~ made me cry.....
~ made me cry.....
I am Second® - Kay Robertson:
http://youtu.be/SwLC76lHuHQ
Monday, September 1, 2014
the garden of my spirit
It took me some time to let my Heavenly Father dig those
ugly roots out of my spirit & heart. every now and then, one of them
tries to take root again. I used to say "I'm entitled to be angry!
he/she/they lied to/lied about/hurt/betrayed me" but then I learned I
was not entitled to hang on to my pain. we are not supposed to hurt any
of His children! I'm one of His children and I was hurting myself! So
now when one of those ugly roots tries to sprout up again, I do my very
best to let the Master Gardner remove it, by helping me to forgive that
person(s) & myself. I can't tell you how wonderful it is to forgive
those others & to be forgiven by my Heavenly Father (&
hopefully by those I wronged!)
