Say Yes to New Beginnings

Josie: "you should really do a follow-up article about narcissism"

Me: "I want to but I'm kind of worried about it because some of the narcissists are still in my life and I don't want to stir up any trouble" (typical codependent)

Josie: "well, I understand that, but think about it, you have more to share"

Me: "ok, I'll think about it.  But I don't know how I could do it without stepping on some toes"

As soon as we said our goodbyes and hung up the phone, I mean not even a minute later, BANG! I knew how I could do it!  That's what happens when you let Elohim (God) take the wheel.  But more on that another time. The rest of this article is the "how" that Elohim shared with me in answer to Josie's suggestion. That's why I can write this article because it's not about the narcissists or who they are, it's about healing from their wounds.  It's about getting over the self doubt they caused so I can finally jump and find my yes!

Over the last few months I’ve been taking a look at where my life is at.  Why am I where I am and who I am?  Do I like it?  Why or why not?  If I don’t like it, how do I fix it?   It turns out, I like part of my life and part of it, well, not so much. 

The parts I like are centered around my children and and grandchildren, my friends, writing and finally being over 60.  I know, that last one is kind of crazy, but let me just tell you semi-retirement is GREAT!!!!  There are other smaller things I like about my life also;  my 4 legged pal Kaci, chia-berry smoothies for breakfast, walking to the post office……….

However, there are parts of my life I don’t like.  That’s why I am writing this. I know there are others out there who, like me, don't like part, or maybe all of their life.  Like me, you are waiting to heal, waiting to breath, waiting to figure things out.  Why are we waiting?  Because we're scared, because we don't think we know how to do anything else except to wait and be scared and be sad.......  I'm writing this to let you know you're not alone and YES YOU CAN. What is it you can? You can say yes.  What you say yes to, that's up to you, but first things first, we have to figure out why we think we can't.  Then we can figure out how we can!

If I don’t like parts of my life, why not and how do I fix it?  The first thing I had to do was take a long hard look at my life to figure out how I got there.  Keep in mind, this wasn’t all on a conscious level, it started out more in my subconscious.  I was angry, frustrated, sad, or at least not happy, and I didn’t understand why.

As I started becoming more aware of the idea that something was wrong, I started looking for answers.  And, as I was looking for answers, mostly from within myself and spiritually, things started popping up on Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, new people in my life, etc.  The posts and videos might have been on my different feeds all along, but I was just then beginning to see them.

One of the subjects that kept coming up the most was regarding narcissism and codependency.  I had heard these terms before, I knew what they meant, but I never really gave them any thought.  But, by chance, I listened to one of them one day.  I think the title caught my eye or something like that, anyway, for whatever reason, I listened.  It was only 20 or 30 minutes long but by the time I was done listening, I was in tears!  At first it was just a little misty eyed moisture, but by the end of the video, I was in full melt down mode! So what did I do?  I watched another video by the same person, and another, and another, and another.  By the time I got done half my day was gone. But I was at once, happier, angrier and again happier that I had been for as long as I could remember.  Answers!  I had maybe, finally, found some answers! (The angry part was because of what I discovered in finding those answers.)

I'm 60+ years old and finally discovered why I have been unhappy and frustrated most of my life! I had to many narcissists in my life and was very codependent!  OUCH!  That was a bitter pill to swallow.  But swallow it I did and I began to heal. Some of you might have already read my first article about narcissism, "Enough Is Enough".   In a nut shell a narcissist is all about them, they're right, you're wrong and if you think otherwise or try to speak up for yourself for any reason, then there is something wrong with YOU, not them, never them.  And if you don't believe it, just ask them, they'll tell you how wrong you are.  They will call you names, belittle you in a hundred different ways and at the end of the the day, it's all your fault. Some of it is obvious, but the more dangerous stuff is not, it's very covert and very painful.  No matter what the problem or question is, it's your fault.  And codependents?  We buy this doodoo!  We think if we can just do everything possible to please them, they will finally like us, maybe even possibly love us?  Wow, what a load of hooey!  

But I don't want to write about the narcissists today.  Because my life isn't about them anymore.  My life is about me, about healing and about jumping. Yes, I said jumping, if you're not sure what I mean by that I encourage you to read my last article, "It's Time To Jump", and watch this video: Steve Harvey. Jumping to success.

In his video Mr. Harvey talks about what successful people do.  They jump! They jump, with a parachute and take a chance.  If you don't jump, if you don't take that chance, then you stay where you are, you never discover what you can do, you never discover the gifts and talents Elohim has placed within you.  If you don't jump, you can't fly!

When I wrote about jumping, I wasn't sure if I could jump, I was afraid to jump and I didn't think I knew how to jump.  Why?  Because of the self-doubt caused by codependency.  Because of constantly being told I was *less than* by the narcissists in my life.  But guess what, I'm not *less than*, I am enough and I can jump!  I'm not saying I'm not scared to jump.  That would be a lie.  But because of  my relationship with Elohim and the encouragement of some wonderful friends, especially Gloria, Josie, Crystal and Jonathon. I know I CAN jump!  I know I can heal, and I can find joy in  my life. I might not know exactly where I am jumping to, and I know I might get a few bumps and bruises along the way, (what are a few scrapes compared to where I've been?), but I can and I WILL jump! 

Let me just tell you very quickly about these friends I've mentioned and why I mentioned them, by name!

  

Gloria Q. is my sisterfriend for many years now. Gloria is a devoted wife and homeschooling mother of 3 intelligent and lively young people. She has been my biggest cheerleader, supporter, encourager, listener, and she's not afraid to tell me the truth when she needs to.  She (and her family) are super great at making me laugh and feel loved! I love sharing my life with her and her family.  I love being able to help her solve issues or give her ideas, because "I've been down that road before". We met when we were both supervisors for the same company, and we've been sisterfriends ever since.  Gloria is one of the best friends a person could ask for and she is one my very most favorite persons to hang out with! (and all of that is an understatement!)

Josie Jackson is a new friend and a good friend.  In spirit, we've known each other for a really long time!  She is easy to share with, full of great ideas and has answered so many health questions for me! Josie is a holistic practitioner and co-writer at Lanterns Buzz.  We bounce ideas off each other. We help each other finding information. We share some of the same dreams and goals (to help others be healthy and happy is at the top of the list), In fact, Josie was the sweet friend who sent me the Steve Harvey video when she knew I need a push to start making some changes!.  Thank you Josie. We are definitely going to "Do This Thing"!

Crystal McCann is also a new friend and co-writer at Lanterns.  She's given me wonderful advice and direction.  One of the most important things she said to me when I first started writing for Lanterns Buzz was, "absolutely you fit in!"  I had just been turned down by a major news organization because I wasn't political enough, and I was feeling more "iffy" than usual.  One of my favorite things that Crystal shares with us every day is "This Day In History", there is something interesting every day! She's crazy busy with both Lanterns and her other project "Madisons Media", but she still finds time to answer my questions, encourage me, and sometimes just chat!

Then there is my dear friend Jonathon Dunne and yes, you guessed it, he is also a co-writer and broadcaster at Lanterns Buzz, but I knew him long before I joined the Lanterns Team.  Ever since I've known Jonathon, a few years now, he has always encouraged me to be true to myself, which is why I'm here writing for Lanterns Buzz. When I told Jonathon about being turned down by the one group, he sent me here, to be a Lanterneer, so I could be myself! You need someone to make you laugh or make you think, he's the guy! Jonathon is also known as "Freedoms Disciple", he's from Ireland but loves our country, and knows more about the USA than most of us do!  And let me just say this, THANK YOU JONATHON!

Why did I share with you all that info about my friends?  Because they are an important part of who I am becoming.  Because if you don't have these kind of friends in your life who encourage you, are honest with you, and value your input into their lives, you need some!  Look for them, they are out there!  You need them!  Why mention them by name?  Because I want them to know how much I appreciate them and I want you to know they are very very real!  It's important you get that. 

Next question?  How will I do this?  Hey, one thing at a time! 

Just kidding. I'm just going to start jumping.  (Do you know how scary it is to share all my fears and weaknesses with you! Yikes! That's a big jump for me already!)

I'm going to watch more videos from my favorite teachers/speakers, including;

 Mel Robbins #5SecondRule, JJ Virgin, Nutrition and Fitness Expert, and Lisa A. Romano Breakthrough Life Coach .

I'm going to take some chances on some new adventures and make some changes in my life. Changes that will be healthier for me on different levels, changes that will help me to help others do the same thing. Changes that I know are going to bring some peace and joy into my life.  I'm going to take better care of myself physically, emotionally, spiritually.  Yes, that means I am focusing on ME!  Be aware, the narcissists in your life will tell you this is pure selfishness.  For once they are right, it is selfish.  But it's a good kind of selfishness. If you have ever flown on any airlines and they give you the nice little safety talk at the beginning of the flight, they tell all the parents, put your own oxygen mask on first.  Well, that's what I'm doing, I can and will put my oxygen mask on first!  I can't help anyone else if I'm not happy and whole, or at least heading that direction!

Remember at the beginning I mentioned about "finding my yes"? There really was a reason for that. Josie's most recent article is about a road trip she took with her Dad and what he taught her about the value of asking questions, and how it's helped her to find her yes! He was right Josie. That's what I've been doing, asking questions. And in the process I'm I am finding my yes! I am finding the people and things that make me want to say "Yes, I want you to be a part of my life!", "Yes, you bring me peace and joy!"!

Yesterday I was talking to Josie on the phone, she was reading her newest article to me, (something we do often), and at the end she said she "wasn't sure what the ending should be".  Just as it's happened so many times, something one of us says gives the other an idea; her question gave me the ending to this article. What is it? Well, I'm glad you asked.  Why does there have to be an ending?  I guarantee this will not be the last article I write on this subject.  I don't want to have an ending.  I want to have a lot of new beginnings!  So get ready, I'm just beginning my journey in to the land of "I Can And I Will".  I hope you will join me, I hope we start jumping into new beginnings and find our YES!

You can read more like this @ Lanterns.Buzz  or on the Lanterns Buzz Facebook Group

It's Time to Jump

It's Time to Jump

posted by Anolagay Sonnenfelt • 4/9/2017

I’ve been silent for a few weeks, for a couple of reasons. Partly because I have been busy with some personal issues that require my full attention. Another part is, well, why I’m writing today. Because I know it’s time for me to jump, but I feel stuck, and I don’t know if I can jump.

I started writing several different articles over the last few weeks, but I wouldn’t get more than a few sentences and then I would get stuck. I didn’t know where to go with the rest of it, and I couldn’t figure out why.  Whether with the personal choices I needed to make, or with my writing. I continued to feel this way until I saw a Steve Harvey video a friend shared with me that was about #TimeToJump.

One of the posts I had been trying to write about was about the issues the VA Healthcare system seems to be having. Another post was about a current popular movie, ‘The Shack,’ that has caused some heated debate in the Christian community. Honestly, I don’t recall the other two, as I discarded my notes both online and on paper.

Allow me to say that not only was I not jumping, I was sitting on my tush, watching television, feeling sorry for myself, angry, and frustrated. My anger and frustration might be legitimate, (one of the personal issues I’ve been dealing with), but come on–I used to be able to handle anything! I raised three children by myself, with little to no child support, went to college while I was doing it, and made the Dean’s list at least once every year. My Dad has Alzheimer’s and was living with me for a little while. I’ve gone through the loss of a very dear friend. And I’m fighting some health issues of my own. So, why couldn’t I get it together long enough to finish an article?

Related: Instagram Direct Messages now disappear

It’s not like the VA Healthcare system or the issues surrounding the aforementioned movie aren’t important issues. So, what’s the problem? 

I then saw the video of Steve Harvey’s where Harvey speaks to his audience before his show and talks about what successful people commonly do. And what is that is that, you might ask?They jump. They don’t sit on their tushes, eating cookies, and watching TV, they jump in and do what’s important to them. They take the risk and jump in!

That was the problem. It’s not that those two issues aren’t important to me, but they aren’t what is really important to me. Next question. What is important to me?  Hmm, great question—a question that I don’t know if I can answer. Helping my family and friends is important to me. My relationship with Elohim is important to me. Helping other people is important to me. Being healthy, not being a burden to my family, doing the best job I can do with whatever I’m doing, all these things are important to me.

But what is really important to me? I’m 60-plus years old and still trying to figure that out.  Really?  Yes, really. Maybe it’s all the things I listed above, maybe I don’t have a clue.  Maybe that’s why I haven’t been able to write anything. If you look at the list above, everything seems to be about my relationship with others, but not about what lights my fire. What is it that brings me pleasure and makes me feel like I am doing something with my life? What is it that makes me feel alive and doesn’t depend on anyone else or their opinions or approvals?

So, here I am, trying to figure out what’s important to me. How many times have I written that phrase in the last few paragraphs? Too many, it seems. 

The other part of that question is: why am I afraid to jump? Wow, that’s a scary thought.  Why am I afraid? Am I too old? Am I too *plump*? Am I too broke? Am I too tired? Am I just plain scared?  And, if yes, of what? I don’t know the answer. That’s just another thing I’ll have to figure out.

So, here I am. I am being honest about my “stuckness,” my fear, my doubt.  Perhaps that is half the battle. I know something is broken, and I know I have to figure out what it is and how to fix it. 

I encourage you to be honest with yourself. If you already know the answers to all these questions, that’s great and I am honestly very happy for you. But a lot of us don’t know the answers to these questions. We haven’t figured it out.

Do you know what’s important to you? Not who you are and what you can do for others, but what’s important to just you? And if you do know (lucky you!), are you doing it? If not, why not? Please don’t wait until you are 60-plus years old to answer these questions, because it is painful. I wish someone had told me to jump when I was in my 20s. I wish someone had told me all the stuff I’m figuring out now, or figuring out that I need to figure it out.

Do yourself a big favor, figure out what is really important to you and know it’s #TimeToJump!

 "It's Time To Jump" can also be located at Lanterns Buzz

America's Younger Generation: Is it Any Wonder?

America's Younger Generation: Is it Any Wonder?

posted by Anolagay Sonnenfelt • 2/20/2017

I wonder, why are we so astonished when young people act selfishly and with total disregard for their fellow citizens when politicians and leaders do the very same thing, all the time?  Why should we expect anything different form our youth if our own politicians are greedy, selfish, and self-centered?

I don’t normally delve into discussing politics.  It’s not that I don’t care or that I don’t have an opinion, as I definitely do on both accounts.  I simply don’t believe politicians alone can or will make any significantly positive changes for our country.  I believe “we, the people” are the only ones that can change our nation by changing hearts and lives on a much more personal level.

Related: Instagram Direct Messages now disappear

That being said, I just might be dipping a toe, or maybe two, ever so lightly into the realm of politics today.

I read recently a post by Lanterns’ own Jonathon Dunne. On Facebook Jonathon wrote the following:

“I am confused about some of my friends on the right and their actions over the last few months and especially last 48 hours.

I am used to the "right" being the party of less taxes. Yet over the last 48 hours I have seen more posts in joy about this 20% tariff on Mexico...

Since when is the problem in America that there are not enough taxes for the ordinary people to pay. Since when is the problem that the government does not take enough revenue?

I am also troubled about the amount of people who think this is a tax on Mexico. It is not!!! It is a tax on the American people and a tax each of you will pay if you buy Mexican products.

PS. For those of you who read this post and think - Oh there goes John again with anti-Trump hate. Please know you are wrong.

I know why Trump wants it... My concern is why YOU are supporting it."

My first reaction to Jonathon's post about the 20% tariff on Mexico was to believe that our politicians will likely support this because "they can't think beyond their own wallets."  But then something else came to my mind.  I replied to Jonathon's comment saying, “and people are astonished when our youth are selfish and self-centered? Oh what a mess we have!"
Please understand I'm not speaking of all politicians or all the youth in our country.  I know there are politicians who care about our country and her citizens.  I know there are wonderful, intelligent, and kind youth in our country.  I'm very proud to include my grandchildren and other youth that I know personally in that group of young people who are not selfish or self-centered, who are respectful, caring, and giving.
Unfortunately, just like the politicians who "can't see beyond their own wallets," there are also too many young people who can't see beyond their own immediate wants or their misguided beliefs.  They listen only to the slanted media and political activists who want only one thing, to destroy our country and our way of life.  They riot and protest, and they seem to think violence is the solution to getting what they want. This is not that different from a 2-year-old throwing a tantrum.
FYI, this is not anything new.  These types of protests started back in the 60's.  For example, UC Berkely is the site of more than one of these protests, where then California Governor Reagan had to call in the National Guard. 
I don't have a problem with a peaceful protest. Sometimes protesting is a necessary step to change, but violent protests don't solve or change anything.  They only cause more violence.
Back to problem at hand, bad behavior from our youth. Why do we need to fix this problem?  That question is easy to answer: These young people will be our politicians and leaders of the future.

But how do we fix this problem?

Consequences. Obviously we have to have consequences for our actions, at 2 years old throwing a tantrum, at 20 years and protesting on campus or in the streets, and at 40 years old as politician or leader that doesn’t look out for the best interests of those they are responsible to and for.  Consequences. But that is another subject for another day, and I shouldn't even have to go there.

There's another equally important part to so"lving this behavior problem: Our young people need to be reached on a more personal level.  We cannot depend on the government, politicians, political activists, schools or, in some cases, not even their parents to show our young people what acceptable behavior looks like.  It comes right back to what I said earlier: If we want to change their lives, we have to change their hearts.  Then we will change the people and change our country.

It starts with us.
Do I have all the answers? No. I can only do what I can do. You can only do what you can do. But that's how it starts. One word, one act of kindness, one heart, one life, one person at a time. Truthfully, it won't happen overnight. It will take time, and patience and kindness and truth!
What are we waiting for? Let's start changing some hearts!

 "America's Younger Generation: Is It Any Wonder?" can also be located at Lanterns Buzz