My future is straight ahead and I'm not slowing down for anyone every again

Here I am again, up WAY past my bed time!  But hey, it's morning somewhere right?   

I think that's part of my problem though.  I never seem to be living in the moment, I'm either busy regretting something from the past, something I did that I shouldn't have, or something I wish I'd done but I didn't.  Or something I hope I can do in the future or worried that I can't do.  But never really living in the moment.  Except when I'm with my family, especially my grandchildren.  

But I can't exist only when I'm with my family, my grandchildren.  I have to learn to live in the moment, every moment.  It's not something new I'm just discovering.  It's something I've been working at for awhile.  

I was looking at my journal this morning.  I used to fill up a journal every few months.  I've been writing in this journal for 2 years!  So then I asked myself why?  Why haven't I written more, what am I waiting for?  What do I write in my journal?  I suppose the same as anyone else, thoughts, feelings, dreams, ideas.  So why haven't I written more than I have.  As anyone who has followed my blog knows (and I hope there's someone following!) I haven't been very faithful to my blog writing either, not here or in my story.   

So what is it, what is stopping me from doing what I know I want to do?  Why do I let other things get in the way?   Well, I think I've figured out at least part of it.

Fear.

Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of trying, of not trying, bla bla bla bla.....

ENOUGH OF THAT!  NO! NO MORE!!!  No more fear.  

It's time to get real, it's time to start living in the moment and treat my writing like a real job.   So here it is way past my bed time and I have to go to my other job in the morning.   The job I have to use for an income, but my writing has to become as much a priority as my family, or at least a close second?  

I don't come by this decision on my own. But after thought and some prayer, I realized that because of things that happened in my past, choices I made, choices others made that I allowed to take hold in my life, I've been living as if I were a second class citizen.  As if I didn't deserve as much joy and success in my life as others did.  WRONG!  As a King's daughter, I deserve just as much joy and success in my life as any other son or daughter of the King of kings!    Not because of what I've done or haven't done or might do.  But because of who I am in Him!  

Well, now you see what happens when I stay up to late.   

So beginning tomorrow, I spend at least 30 minutes writing, either here and/or in my journal (sorry, you don't get to read that!)  That's my promise to myself, not to anyone else, just to myself.  This is not like the promises I made to lose 20 pounds, or save $200 for some special event or purchase and then it didn't happen.   This is something I can do that doesn't require any extra special effort and no one will know but me and my King, my Creator Father.  Well, and my readers, if I write here or in my story blog.   The only exception will be the Sabbath, any special Sabbath's and days when we have all day family get togethers out of town.  (and even then I might be able to sneak in a few lines, in either my journal or blog).  Is it considered incorrect to talk about your blog IN your blog?  hmmmmmmm.....

 I'm tired of being, acting weak.  I'm not a second class citizen.  I'm strong and the daughter of the King of kings!  My future is straight ahead and I'm not slowing down for anyone every again (including myself!).


 Oh well.  Off to sleep for me now.   Goodnight all and Be Blessed.

Shalom!

Thank you SandiKrakowski for the loan of the picture!