All my life I always had this feeling that I just didn't fit in with "normal" society, I thought different, I felt different, and more than once I was asked "why can't you just be normal?" To which I would often reply, "Why? Who decided what normal is and where is the rule written that we all need to be normal? Normal is boring! Anyone can be normal, it takes someone special to be unique" But, more often than not, especially in my younger years, and now my not so younger years, I just shrug my shoulders and walk away. Why? In my younger, school years I was too shy to reply back. When I started having my children I think I found a sense of freedom to be who I wanted to be, at least for awhile, and so I would say what I wanted to say, when I wanted to say it and how I wanted to say it. And that kept me going, for awhile.
Then things happened in my life, things fell apart and I would would have been perfectly happy to be "normal" for a change. Whatever normal was for most people, husband, children, house, white picket fence, etc. But normal didn't happen. But other things did. I still didn't fit in. I tried. But it didn't work. So then of course I thought there must really be something wrong with me since I just couldn't seem to fit in. And the more I thought it, the more I didn't, and the more things happened in my life. Of course, whatever happened in my life affected my children, and so, you guessed it, I felt even more "not normal". Within me grew this desperate need to compete, especially with other women, to prove myself to others, prove myself normal?
Nothing I did seemed to work. A lot of things are still not working the way I want them to. Now that I'm older (don't ask because I won't tell, but my oldest grandchild is 15, so old enough), I walk away from that question "why can't you just be normal" because I just don't care any more. I don't care what someone else's version of normal is or what or who they think I should be. But still, deep down somewhere, there was that lingering question, why don't I fit in?
Well, now I know, now I get it! After studying Guardian-Angel, well actually we are still reading it, I have a much better idea of why I'm not normal. Why I have this passion for Israel. Why I have this passion to love & care for others, help others to grow & find their potential, why I love to write and be silly with my grandchildren and well, just be myself. There's no way I can really explain it in just a few paragraphs. But I can say I'm excited to find more of myself in the Scriptures. Now I know it's perfectly ok to just be me and that it's perfectly ok to walk away from that question and not care about it any more. I am a woman, a Spirit-filled, Messianic Believer Woman, Daughter of our Father Creator Elohim Woman! I am a unique and proud of it woman!
I no longer feel the need to compete with other women, or prove myself to anyone else. I do feel empowered to be myself and to empower other women.
Who cares about normal!!! I am empowered to be my own unique kind of SPIRIT FILLED MESSIANIC BELIEVER WOMAN!! I AM EMPOWERED TO BE HIS MASTERPIECE JUST THE WAY I AM!!
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