Living in a bully free zone

Bully Free, Well I'm Working On It Anyway!
By: Anolagay Sonnenfelt 

Liar. Bully. Narcissist. How do we stop them from harming us physically, mentally & emotionally? I'm not a professional, but I've had plenty of experience dealing with this and I hope my experiences can help someone else find peace of mind!

Liar, bully narcissist. We find them in all walks of life; in the school room, at home, at work, in politics, in religion, in the grocery store, at the theatre, everywhere.

If you are reading this then more than likely at some point in your life you have had to deal with a liar, bully and/or narcissist. To me, they are all one in the same. Let me explain; a narcissist is someone who is so selfcentered all they can think about is what they want, getting it their way, now, and we are all supposed to be as totally absorbed in their selfishness as they are! They will bully and lie if they have to, to get what they want. Generally speaking, they don't care who they hurt along the way.

**According to Psychology Today,
Narcissism is a less extreme version of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Narcissism involves cockiness, manipulativeness, selfishness, power motives, and vanity-a love of mirrors. Related personality traits include: Psychopathy, Machiavellianism. Narcissists tend to have high self-esteem.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder | Psychology Today**

A bully is not always loud and abrasive, sometimes they are very subtle, but the effect is the same.

To say I've had my fair share of experience with this personality type is an understatement, at school, family, at work, etc. But I don't want to focus on them today, they've already had enough attention as it is! NO, I want to focus on what we can do about the schoolmate who spreads rumors & lies to the teacher, the family member who is such a convincing liar they are often believed over the truth, the fellow worker who is determined to get their way, get what they want and try to make you feel guilty for not giving into them or doing what they want, their way.

It took me a long time to figure this out. I was hurt, dissappointed, and found myself not trusting others. But you know what? I finally decided they are not worth it! My peace of mind, and yours, is worth more than what they want.

So, how do we combat this afront to our peace, our emotional health? The old school yard rhyme "sticks and stones might break my bones, but names will never hurt me" simply does not work.

One of the first issues i had to deal with was myself! Why was I so sensitive, so vulnerable, to their bullying? What I finally figured out had something to do with my perfectionism & desire to be "liked" & approved of by others. Your answer might be different than mine, you'll need to do your own soul searching. It took me some time, but I have finally got to the point where if someone doesn't like my opinion, my choice, my whatever, it's ok. That's their choice, their opinion. If they behave like a bully, that's a reflection of their own negativity and insecurity and ugliness within themselves. It's their problem, not mine.

I choose to live in a bully free zone,  an imaginary bully free bubble.  I simply refuse to hear their words.

I know, this sounds rather simplistic, but it works for me. I choose to be positive, friendly, helpful, kind to others, and yes, to myself. I have to stop and evaluate my emotions from time to time. I want to make certain I don't become one of them and at the same time reevaluate my responses to not be rude.

It's important that I don't let them "beat me up" anymore. A person who is a bully/narcissist will often start with emotional abuse; "you're so stupid", "why do you think that way?", "you shouldn't believe/feel that way", "you need to do it this way", etc. Emotional abuse doesn't leave any visible scars or bruises. But, left unchecked, it often leads to physical abuse. It isn't until you get that far that people might start to notice, but by then it might be to late.
**According to National Statistics:
On average, nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States. During one year, this equates to more than 10 million women and men.**

I guess that's why I wanted to write this. I want you to know you aren't alone. You don't have to live with emotional, verbal or physical abuse. You don't have to allow a bully to control you. I want you to know you CAN do something to protect yourself emotionally and physically. What you do is up to you, but it's important that you do something to protect yourself physically and emotionally. I know that once I started dealing with my responses, taking back my "peace", I started enjoying my life more, feeling better physically and emotionally.

That's what I want for you, whomever you are. I don't claim to have all the answers. I'm not a doctor or professional. But I've been through it. My answers might not work for you. But there are answers out there. Look for your answer. Find your peace. And don't let anyone take it from you ever again.

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I'm a mom of 3 & grama of 8, full time receptionist/secretary. Part time writer/blogger. I don't have a desire to write about politics, there are already enough of those writers out there. My goal is to help people heal & have a better life.