His Strength, not mine!

Judges 16:17
Finally, Samson shared his secret with her "My hair has never been cut," he confessed, "for I was dedicated to God as a Nazirite from birth. If my head were shaved, my strength would leave me, and I would become as weak as anyone else."

Like Samson, I have been trying to find my own strength, not necessarily from my hair, hahaha, but trying to find my strength from my own self, out of who I am on my own.  

Guess what, it didn't work for Samson, and it hasn't worked for me either.  

For weeks, more likely months, I found myself coming home from work, worn out, exhausted, done.   I used my tiredness as an excuse to sit and do nothing but the absolute minimum until it was time for bed.  Then in the morning I'd get up, get ready for work, still tired & using my rush & tiredness has more excuses to do only the minimum required.  The most important thing I was missing, and I knew it, was my time with God.  I used to spend a lot of time with God, coffee & my journal & Bible in the early morning.  Reading more of His word, or a study of His word in the evening, & many times of prayer during the day.  

But then my life changed, suddenly & drastically.  I was on my own again, physically & financially, after 15 years of marriage.  My emotions were more of relief that it was finally done.  But I found myself without the same luxury  of time.  Still, living on the lakes edge, I found myself with time for walks and talks with God, still journalling, still spending time with Him.  While there were moments of anger & loneliness & confusion.  I would pray & spend time with my Abba & come out on the other side more sure.  I didn't lose my strength.

I don't know where or when it happened, but somewhere along the way, since after I moved from the lake and since after Pastor's Tom & Mary retired, I stopped spending so much time with Abba.  

Then one day recently I realized I was tired of being tired all the time.  At first I only just recognized that fact, I was tired of being tired all the time.  But I did nothing about it.  I just continued on.  I started recognizing that I was tired of more things, tired of living from penny to penny, tired of living from one emotion to the next, tired of living on the edge, waiting for someone else to tell me what else I'd done wrong, tired of feeling alone, tired of not having enough time, enough energy to do anything but just work & come home & go to sleep, & go to work, & come home & go to sleep & go to work.....  I can't & I don't even want to say all the different things I was tired of.  Suffice  it to say, I'm tired.

But, I recognize now that I'm in need of a strength that I can't find on my own.  I tried.  It didn't work.  I tried to find a strength on my own.    One day it just occurred to me, not suddenly like being hit like a truck or anything, it just kind of popped into my head, (thank You Holy Spirit),  I was looking for strength in the wrong place.  I had stopped spending time with Abba, I had stopped seeking Him & I lost my strength.  Oh, I occasionally read a scripture or two.  I went to church on a fairly regular basis.   I wrote in my journal during church and sometimes just because.  I watched Joseph Prince & Joel Osteen & Jesse Duplantis on tv,  but it wasn't the same.  I had no strength & I wasn't really looking for it.  I wasn't really trying.  I just knew I was tired, tired, tired, tired, tired, and using tired as an excuse to not do anything about it, including asking God for help.

But that one moment came more and more often, a reminder of a relationship i once shared with Abba.  A moment here and there, more and more often, that He missed our time together more than I did.  Reminders that I was tired because I wasn't looking for strength, I wasn't  seeking Him.  

I finally decided something had to change, I wasn't sure exactly what, but something had to change.  I changed to a different church, I'd gone to see Jesse Duplantis and saw some folks from the church I'd been going to and the church where Pastors Tom & Mary had taught.  They were all going to the same church who was hosting Mr Duplantis.  So, I started going to that church, & I started going more often.  I started seeking God's wisdom.  I started hearing His voice again.  I understand He has been here all along, but what I didn't understand is that using my tiredness as an excuse to just sit and do nothing & not even talk to God or seek Him was self-defeating.  what I knew somewhere deep inside but was trying to ignore for whatever reason, was that the more time I would spend with God, the more strength I would have.  So as I've started seeking scriptures that speak of strength, they affirm what I was hearing from God.  It's His presence, His joy, His Peace that will help me to find His strength.  I am weak, but He is strong.

Before you judge me to quickly, please understand, I never stopped loving Him, trusting Him.  He never stopped providing His Grace & Favour.  I know of many times, all I had to do was ask & He provided.  It's just that I wasn't asking the right question when it came to strength.  And now, as I again seek Him, His Wisdom, His Peace, His Joy, His strength, His promises, I find myself not as tired any more.  It may take some time to get back to where I was, but I know that I will not only get back to where I was, but that He, my Abba, will get me to an even better place, He has more and better planned for me.  And He needs me strong to follow Him more closely.  It's amazing, He is also providing the strength I need to follow Him.   

As we deal daily with the world's chaos, both nationally and personally, we will all need HIS strength.  Below is a short list of scriptures on strength.  By no means is it a complete list.  I encourage you to seek out what you need from His word.  As I am.  

(I apologize if I was 'babbling' a wee bit, it's late and I should have been in bed at least an hour ago, or more, but I had pc issues & was determined to post this!)



Exodus 15:2
The Lord is my strength and my song;  He has given me victory.  this is my God, and I will praise him-my father's God, and I will exalt him!  

Deuteronomy 9:29  But they are Your people and Your special possession, who You brought out of Egypt by Your great strength and powerful arm.

1Chronicles 16:11  Search for the Lord and for his strength; continually seek Him.

Job 9:35  Then I could speak to Him without fear, but I cannot do that in my own strength.

Psalms 18:1
I love You, Lord; You are my strength.

Psalms 18:29
In Your strength I can crush an army; with my God I can scale any wall. 

Psalms 18:32
God arms me with strength, and He makes my way perfect.  


Psalms 29:11
The Lord gives His people strength the Lord blesses them with peace.


Deuteronomy 6:5
And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul and all your strength.




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please know, you, my readers, are always welcomed & encouraged to please leave helpful hints, questions, etc. thanks!